Not Just About Babies Anymore...

Contraception and abortion seem to be of the go to objections by the Church about today's culture. Red flags go up when people talk about people talk about putting off or forgoing pregnancy, and the openness to life preached by Mother Church is often met with confusion, hostility, and outright anger. Why does the Church want to tell me how to act in the privacy of my own home? Why can't I make decisions for myself? What does God have to do with anything that happens in my bedroom? What seems to baffle people even more is why, when there's not even a conception through contraception, that "those Catholics" are still up in arms. The whole experience seems to come back to one pithy and standoffish comment-

"It's my life. I control what happens to it."

Who could be against this FACE!

And so, the central issue is revealed. People aren't against life, per say. I would go as far as to say that very few people are actually anti-life. People, simply put, are against losing control. The contraceptive mentality, so pervasive throughout western culture, is not just interested in whether or not babies are born. In fact, in the ongoing argument over contraception and abortion, it is the issues of control and personal autonomy that rear their heads much more often than questions of life. Women want to control their bodies. The Church is trying to control my life. I shouldn't be burdened with a child if I don't want one. Don't try to limit my freedom.

And so we see that the contraceptive mentality goes far beyond life issues. In the western world, people are afraid of not being able to be their own master and not being able to shape their lives the way they see fit. This is why we have cafeteria Christians who pick and choose the doctrines that they feel cater to their own sense of morality. This is why we have mothers and fathers that neglect or abandon their families because their spouse, children, or life don't look how they thought they would. This why we have spouses that are unfaithful to their loved ones when they get bored or aren't as attracted to the other as they once were. This is why suicide in the western world is so high. It's not simply that people are miserable on their own. It's that their lives aren't what they hoped they'd be. (Still think is has to do with misery? Then tell me how Haiti has a suicide rate of near zero.)

But this begs the question, whats so wrong with me being my on master? It's the American Dream after all! We are told from a young age that we can make our lives into anything we want them to be, and we try our hardest to do so. Success equals happiness, and this is made evident by the number of rich and successful actors, athletes, politicians, and musicians that have no problems and do no wrong because they control their own lives. 

Oh, wait, that's not the case at all! Recreational drug use is nearly equal across the socioeconomic stratum. Rich and successful people still cheat on their spouses and leave their families. Athletes and musicians still get arrested for drugs, violence, and all other manner of irresponsible and dangerous behavior. Suicide rate is highest among the wealthy. So it would seem that personal autonomy is not the way that people are achieving happiness or fulfillment.

So, whats the problem with a contraceptive mentality in which you do whatever it takes to form your life, relationships, faith, and work around your desires? The problem is that you make yourself your own god! Freedom has been misunderstood as license. Instead of trying to make ourselves available to goodness and right, we are placing our own wants and desires on a pedestal for worship.

You see, it's not enough to say that the contraceptive culture in which we live today simply offends the command not to kill, or that it can simply be rejected on the biological or human level. To truly encompass the entire problem of contraception and the contraceptive mindset, we have to see it as the worship of ourselves and our desires, and the rejection of God as creator and ruler. Within the contraceptive mindset, God is just there to make you feel good and give you the things you ask for. In a certain sense, contraception turns God into a vending machine.

Pop in a dollar, out pops a blessing

So what do we do to truly escape the contraceptive culture? How do we rise above self gratification and find true fulfillment? How do we truly open ourselves up to the fullness of life, not just in the womb, but throughout the span of a lifetime? We have to follow Jesus to the cross. In order to be lifted up, we need to lower ourselves. In order to fulfill our truest desires, we need to become a servant of others. In order to truly become sons and daughters of the living Father, we have to elevate him at a just place of authority in our lives, and from there we can find our true meaning and happiness.

We have to pray to move beyond what is easy or self gratifying. We have to put the needs of others before our own We have to overcome self-service with self-giving love for others. In a word, we need to overcome the culture of death and the fallacy of a contraceptive life by relinquishing our need for control. Only then can we begin to find some peace.

St Joseph, pray for us.

Father in Heaven, bless us.

Marriage and Relationships: A Commentary on a Commentary

Today's post is a commentary in response to a fascinating discussion that I stumbled upon recently. Father Robert Barron is a phenomenal priest who does amazing work and ministry throughout the world, including a series of YouTube clips in which he comments on pop culture, Catholic teaching, and moral issues. In this particular video, he comments on the idea of marriage by posing a very particular question: Why get married in the Church? What follows is a commentary on the subject that forces the viewer to shift his/her idea of marriage from what he calls a "shared egotism" to a communal and missionary entity.

There are a couple of points on which I would like to expand. The first being the idea of the relationship with a "transcendent third" that must exist in order to prevent a friendship or romantic relationship from devolving into "shared egotism", that is, from becoming so focused on the development of the love between the two, that it shuts out all others and becomes it's own end. In situations such as these, where there is nothing that draws the pair out of themselves , the two must lean completely on each other for growth and support, and this leads to the eventual implosion of a relationship that was not built on something solid to being with. On the other hand, when there exists a transcendent third, relationships are able to grow from a shared foundation and reach for a higher standard. In a way, the transcendent third, which supports the relationship while at the same time going beyond the limitations of the two persons, represents a source and summit from which the couple can both build and reach. It is this striving for God within relationships that strengthens the bond of love and helps it to take root. It also forces the couple to look beyond their own shared experience of love and into the needs of others, allowing the relationship to take on a missionary aspect.

This is why, as Fr. Barron puts is, the love between two people is not a reason to get married within the Church. If two people only wanted to be married because they love one another, they could go to a courthouse or to a drive-through wedding chapel. Marriage is not simply a way to publicly profess mutual love. While this is indeed an essential element, to be married in the Church is to say that God has called the two of you together in order to encourage one another in a relationship with himself, and toward the salvation of you. Not only that, but to get married in the Church professes a commitment to a mutual mission to which both have been called, and neither could complete alone.

This element of mission is even further educated by Paul's exhortation that wives be submissive to their husbands, and that husbands love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:22-25). This widely misunderstood passage simply states that spouses be under the same mission (sub-under, missio-mission), and that they love each other as Christ loved, giving his entire self for the good of his bride.

We can see that the two aspects of the marriage covenant play out inexorably with one another. In order to live out marriage, the two must be under the same mission given to them by God as a unit. At the same time, they must love each other as Christ loves, giving until it hurts, and sacrificing personal good for that of the other. The mission cannot be lived out without sacrificial love, and the love that is given must not be turned inward, but must be focused outward for the good of the couple and of others. Otherwise the mission, and the couple, would devolve and implode.

Marriage is to become a sign of the transcendent God who is at play in every detail. The love of God is not turned inward, but is directed toward the growth and life of his children. The love of God also lives out a mission within a Church to bring peoples to Christ and to bring them into an encounter with the living God. The married couple is meant to model this active and life giving love in order to bring God to the world, and bring the world to God.

So, we must ask ourselves, what is the mission that God wants my marriage (or future marriage) to live out? What is the need in this world that my marriage will fulfill? How will I love my spouse or future spouse and lead them to the God who simultaneously calls us together and calls us to action? As Fr Barron so deftly demonstrates, marriage within the Church brings with it a commission and commitment. The role of all married persons is to live out elements with love and faith in the God who is both foundation and summit.

St Joseph, model of manliness, pray for us

Father, God in heaven, bless us.

Skepticism or Fear?

Today is the feast day of St Thomas the apostle. Thomas, called Didymus or the Twin, is often spoken of in the scriptures. He is most well known for the passage in John read at today's mass (John 20:24-29). The reading goes as follows:

Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples aid to him, “We have seen the Lord.” But Thomas said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” Now a week later his disciples were again inside and Thomas was with them. Jesus came, although the doors were locked, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.” Thomas answered and said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

 So, for whatever reason, Thomas was absent when Jesus appeared to the apostles the first time (John 20:19-22). Maybe he was out getting food or water. Maybe he was mourning the loss of Jesus who has died three days earlier. Maybe he was just using the ancient Palestinian equivalent of a toilet. Regardless, he returns to hear the other ten apostles proclaiming the good news that Jesus has risen from the dead and shown himself alive. To this, Thomas famously replies, "Unless I see the mark of the nail in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." (John 20:25)

Now, why would Thomas have responded in such a closed off and confrontational manner? Perhaps he is simply a skeptic. Wouldn't you be? The idea of a man, even a man like Jesus, rising from the dead after only three short days is a fantastic story, not to mention crazy. There are countless people today who are skeptical of the same thing.

However, I don't think skepticism is really at play here. Thomas had followed Jesus for three years. He had see the man work miracle after miracle, even going so far as to raise others from the dead. Thomas, like the others, believed the profession of Peter that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the Living God (Matthew 16:13-20; Mark 8:27-30; Luke 9:18-20). No, I think the refusal of Thomas to believe in the resurrection reveals something much deeper: the destruction of hope.

Imagine following Jesus. Imagine believing that he is the Messiah, the one who has come to save Israel from captivity and free them from bondage, both earthly and spiritual. Imagine putting all of your hope, all of your faith, and all of your expectation into this man who can walk on water, raise the dead, and drive out demons with a word. Now, imagine watching this man be savagely beaten, spit upon, whipped, and made to carry the instrument of his own execution. Imagine what it must feel like to watch him be nailed naked to a cross in full view of the people he professed to save. Imagine the heartbreak that Thomas must have felt, not just for Jesus, his dear friend and mentor, but for himself and every other person who put faith in this poor rabbi who was made to die a criminal's death. In a way, Jesus was not the only one to die that day. All of the hopes, dreams, and faith of the people who followed him, including Thomas, had been nailed on that cross alongside Jesus. Thomas' hope was killed as well that day, and it must have been agony.

Now, fast forward three days. The eleven are hiding, scared to suffer Jesus' fate.The terrible memory and deep anguish of a hope demolished were still fresh in Thomas' heart. Then, after a short time away, Thomas returns to hear that Jesus is alive! This was not only too good to be true, it was too good to be believable. It was too good to be taken seriously. To a man who had not had the time to even begin rebuilding his faith and hope in God, this must have come as just another slap to the face. So, in anger and frustration at nobody in particular, Thomas makes his proclamation that he will not believe unless he has seen and touched the man himself. He cannot believe. He cannot open his heart to have faith, especially after it had been so hurt the last time he had believed in anything.

Thus, the gospel reveals to us, through the person of Thomas, a kind of mirror into our own experience of vulnerability, suffering, and the feeling of betrayal. Thomas, though offered a way out of his misery and self-devouring heartbreak, opts to remain in the belief that Jesus is dead. Why would he do that? Simply put, Thomas, like the rest of us at some time or another, has been fooled by the enemy into accepting and dwelling in suffering as a way of avoiding the new and unknown. Even though consolation is offered to him, the Devil uses the feelings of betrayal and loss in order to make Thomas avoid vulnerability, and in turn, reject love. We, like Thomas, tend to accept the suffering we know in order to avoid or put off the joy that we don't. Thomas' reaction to the news of the resurrection reveals to us our own fear of heartbreak that manifests itself in a lack of openness and vulnerability.

In his pain, the enemy convinces Thomas that to believe in anything is to suffer, and suffering is to be avoided. So Thomas puts a condition on his belief: He must touch and feel the risen Lord, and then his heart will begin to accept the invitation of consolation.

And it is important that Thomas asks for something tangible. He needs to experience the fullness of Jesus resurrected to have his heart healed. The simple news of it will not due. Is this not true in our own world as well? The news of Jesus is good, but without the fullness of an experience, the Gospel is just a collection of stories and the scriptures just another book. Thomas, like many of us in a hurting and broken world, need to experience Jesus with all of our senses to make up for the hurt and demoralization we feel.

So Jesus comes, and the first thing he says is to Thomas. "Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe." (John 20:27). I imagine that Jesus, knowing full-well the depth of the heartbreak that Thomas felt, must have looked upon him with love and care. "Come", his eyes must have said, "and have your hope restored." And how does Thomas react to this? He cries out, with tears in his eyes and renewed faith in his soul, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28). His experience allows him to believe again in the hope of the Messiah. In a way, Thomas' belief was also raised from the dead on Easter Sunday.

Jesus ends this passage by teaching Thomas by his experience. "Jesus said to him [Tomas], 'Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed'" (John 20:29). Jesus tells us that the more blessed faith is that which does not falter in the face of adversity. True faith does not shrink under hardship or wither under pressure. True faith goes beyond the sensual experience of life and penetrates deep into our very being, changing us, strengthening us.

May we all pray for this blessing as the Israelite man did in Mark 9:24, "I believe, help my unbelief!" Let us pray for the faith the size of a mustard seed that changes us and allows us to move mountains, and let us recognize the blessing that Jesus tells us it truly is in today's gospel. But let us also understand the smallness of our own faith, and let us run to Jesus in the Eucharist. Let us fully experience him with all of our senses as Thomas did, and let that experience reveal to us a deeper faith and allow us to truly hope in things that are yet intangible and yet unseen.

St Thomas, Pray for us,
St Jospeh, model of manliness, pray for us
Father in heaven, bless us