I'm Laughing at your Testimony

To provide witness is central to the notion of evangelization. After all, people can refute or reject facts, but it is another thing entirely to reject the deep personal experience of another human being. You can tell me that my interpretation of a text is flawed or that my sources are wrong or incomplete, but when I tell you that my belief is based in a concrete experience, the debate takes on a different and more transcendental character. It is for this personal and central reason that to give your testimony or your witness must be taken seriously. Even Pope Paul VI, in Evangelii Nuntiandi (1975), states that "modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than to teachers, and if he does listen to teachers, it is because they are first witnesses."

Thus, the personal witness of faith is to held in highly sacred esteem. However, if you have ever listened to a witness talk, or given one, you have seen that when a person lays out a picture of who they once were and the life they lived in comparison to who they are currently, it becomes very clear that every witness is comedy in the grandest sense of the word.

Now, before you grab your pitchforks and label me as one who disregards the seriousness of a witness, let us first look at what a witness is. To give one's testimony or witness is a legal proceeding. Essentially, in the case for Christ, one gives their witness before God and man of their experience, testifying to the truth, and nothing but the truth, so help them God. It is precisely because the testimony, whether religious or secular, is so highly regarded that dishonesty, or perjury, is so dramatically punished. To perjure oneself is to take what is true and knowingly misrepresent it at the moment when that truth is most essential. This is what Jesus means when he says "he who blasphemes against the Spirit will never be forgiven" (Mark 3:29). To perjure ones religious testimony is to blaspheme the Spirit and its works. It is to speak lies about God and his actions when it matters most.

So how can something so serious be considered a comedy? When one describes the lengths to which God has gone to bring them out of sin, it cannot possibly be comedic. But of course it is! In fact, it is the grandest comedy available to us. Of course, by comedy I do not just mean humor, though the humor us included and essential. When we speak of comedy, we mean the grand form which encompasses the entirety of a story and reveals to us deeper truth.

We understand comedy in two way which can both be used to describe a personal witness statement. The first, and arguably the most widely recognized is finding humor in that which is absurd. It is precisely in the absurdity presented to us, insofar as it clashes with what we consider rational or normal, that we find humor. Apply this to a witness. When one describes a life prior to conversion, especially when that former life is steeped in sin, we find absurdity. It is considered shocking and even illogical because the person who is painting this picture of him/herself is so far removed from the image being presented. These images clash and it is in this clash where we find comedy. To put the two figures next to one another is a humorous tableau. As one looks back on who they were without Christ, there absolutely should be a part of them that laughs to him/herself about the idea of who they were, and this humor and joy can only be found so far as they are removed from their former life.

The second element of comedy is what i refer to as the theatrical definition. Dicitonary.com defines comedy as:

 A play, movie, ect., of light and humorous character with a happy and cheerful ending; a dramatic work in which the central motif is the triumph over adverse circumstance, resulting in a successful or happy conclusion.

Now, how can one who has an experience of the saving power of God, and witness to the same, read that definition and not see how plainly it describes a personal testimony? To tell of the victories of God in one's life is to describe the triumph over adversity by definition. To talk of life in Christ or, to take an eternal step forward, heaven, is to not just experience a successful or happy result, it is to result in all that is success and all that is happiness. When seen theatrically, eternal life is the ultimate triumph over the ultimate adversity of sin, pointing us to the fact that each story in which these element play out is the ultimate comedy.

A personal witness is not some drab thing. If it is, you're doing it wrong! To give a witness to the power of Jesus working in your life is to speak of joy and happiness in its very essence! Yes, elements of your story are going to be serious, but what comedy exists that doesn't have a single serious moment? What we give testimony to is the power and love of a God who is love, who brought us out of sin and death through love to live an eternity of love in him! We can see through this lens that our walk of faith is meant to be a comedy, and not only that, but a romantic comedy!

So, when you tell your story, tell it with a smile on your face. Laugh at yourself! Laugh at who you were! Give testimony to the joy that you have, not just the story you like to tell. We cannot teach unless we are first witnesses, and we cannot be those witnesses without expressing the joy which has been given us.

St Joseph, pray for us
God, Father in Heaven, bless us

Skepticism or Fear?

Today is the feast day of St Thomas the apostle. Thomas, called Didymus or the Twin, is often spoken of in the scriptures. He is most well known for the passage in John read at today's mass (John 20:24-29). The reading goes as follows:

Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples aid to him, “We have seen the Lord.” But Thomas said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” Now a week later his disciples were again inside and Thomas was with them. Jesus came, although the doors were locked, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.” Thomas answered and said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

 So, for whatever reason, Thomas was absent when Jesus appeared to the apostles the first time (John 20:19-22). Maybe he was out getting food or water. Maybe he was mourning the loss of Jesus who has died three days earlier. Maybe he was just using the ancient Palestinian equivalent of a toilet. Regardless, he returns to hear the other ten apostles proclaiming the good news that Jesus has risen from the dead and shown himself alive. To this, Thomas famously replies, "Unless I see the mark of the nail in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." (John 20:25)

Now, why would Thomas have responded in such a closed off and confrontational manner? Perhaps he is simply a skeptic. Wouldn't you be? The idea of a man, even a man like Jesus, rising from the dead after only three short days is a fantastic story, not to mention crazy. There are countless people today who are skeptical of the same thing.

However, I don't think skepticism is really at play here. Thomas had followed Jesus for three years. He had see the man work miracle after miracle, even going so far as to raise others from the dead. Thomas, like the others, believed the profession of Peter that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the Living God (Matthew 16:13-20; Mark 8:27-30; Luke 9:18-20). No, I think the refusal of Thomas to believe in the resurrection reveals something much deeper: the destruction of hope.

Imagine following Jesus. Imagine believing that he is the Messiah, the one who has come to save Israel from captivity and free them from bondage, both earthly and spiritual. Imagine putting all of your hope, all of your faith, and all of your expectation into this man who can walk on water, raise the dead, and drive out demons with a word. Now, imagine watching this man be savagely beaten, spit upon, whipped, and made to carry the instrument of his own execution. Imagine what it must feel like to watch him be nailed naked to a cross in full view of the people he professed to save. Imagine the heartbreak that Thomas must have felt, not just for Jesus, his dear friend and mentor, but for himself and every other person who put faith in this poor rabbi who was made to die a criminal's death. In a way, Jesus was not the only one to die that day. All of the hopes, dreams, and faith of the people who followed him, including Thomas, had been nailed on that cross alongside Jesus. Thomas' hope was killed as well that day, and it must have been agony.

Now, fast forward three days. The eleven are hiding, scared to suffer Jesus' fate.The terrible memory and deep anguish of a hope demolished were still fresh in Thomas' heart. Then, after a short time away, Thomas returns to hear that Jesus is alive! This was not only too good to be true, it was too good to be believable. It was too good to be taken seriously. To a man who had not had the time to even begin rebuilding his faith and hope in God, this must have come as just another slap to the face. So, in anger and frustration at nobody in particular, Thomas makes his proclamation that he will not believe unless he has seen and touched the man himself. He cannot believe. He cannot open his heart to have faith, especially after it had been so hurt the last time he had believed in anything.

Thus, the gospel reveals to us, through the person of Thomas, a kind of mirror into our own experience of vulnerability, suffering, and the feeling of betrayal. Thomas, though offered a way out of his misery and self-devouring heartbreak, opts to remain in the belief that Jesus is dead. Why would he do that? Simply put, Thomas, like the rest of us at some time or another, has been fooled by the enemy into accepting and dwelling in suffering as a way of avoiding the new and unknown. Even though consolation is offered to him, the Devil uses the feelings of betrayal and loss in order to make Thomas avoid vulnerability, and in turn, reject love. We, like Thomas, tend to accept the suffering we know in order to avoid or put off the joy that we don't. Thomas' reaction to the news of the resurrection reveals to us our own fear of heartbreak that manifests itself in a lack of openness and vulnerability.

In his pain, the enemy convinces Thomas that to believe in anything is to suffer, and suffering is to be avoided. So Thomas puts a condition on his belief: He must touch and feel the risen Lord, and then his heart will begin to accept the invitation of consolation.

And it is important that Thomas asks for something tangible. He needs to experience the fullness of Jesus resurrected to have his heart healed. The simple news of it will not due. Is this not true in our own world as well? The news of Jesus is good, but without the fullness of an experience, the Gospel is just a collection of stories and the scriptures just another book. Thomas, like many of us in a hurting and broken world, need to experience Jesus with all of our senses to make up for the hurt and demoralization we feel.

So Jesus comes, and the first thing he says is to Thomas. "Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe." (John 20:27). I imagine that Jesus, knowing full-well the depth of the heartbreak that Thomas felt, must have looked upon him with love and care. "Come", his eyes must have said, "and have your hope restored." And how does Thomas react to this? He cries out, with tears in his eyes and renewed faith in his soul, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28). His experience allows him to believe again in the hope of the Messiah. In a way, Thomas' belief was also raised from the dead on Easter Sunday.

Jesus ends this passage by teaching Thomas by his experience. "Jesus said to him [Tomas], 'Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed'" (John 20:29). Jesus tells us that the more blessed faith is that which does not falter in the face of adversity. True faith does not shrink under hardship or wither under pressure. True faith goes beyond the sensual experience of life and penetrates deep into our very being, changing us, strengthening us.

May we all pray for this blessing as the Israelite man did in Mark 9:24, "I believe, help my unbelief!" Let us pray for the faith the size of a mustard seed that changes us and allows us to move mountains, and let us recognize the blessing that Jesus tells us it truly is in today's gospel. But let us also understand the smallness of our own faith, and let us run to Jesus in the Eucharist. Let us fully experience him with all of our senses as Thomas did, and let that experience reveal to us a deeper faith and allow us to truly hope in things that are yet intangible and yet unseen.

St Thomas, Pray for us,
St Jospeh, model of manliness, pray for us
Father in heaven, bless us

Boys Will Be Boys...

Recently, there has been a lot of talk about gun violence. The tragedy in Aurora, CO, and the most recent incident in Newtown, CT have left people reeling and have resulted in everything from a call for a stricter set of rules on gun ownership to more widespread access to public mental health care. All of these are legitimate points of view, and this issue must be handled with care in order to protect our children, our freedoms, and indeed, our country.

This post is not meant to address gun control or mental health. I am not calling for stricter or looser gun control, nor am I supporting either side of the gun issue. What I hope to point out is a disturbing trend that I think is being overlooked by many experts, and goes beyond the simple issue of who can or cannot buy a gun. I think that the violence that we are seeing is a symptom of a more fundamental issue that we in the western world are afraid to address.

The fact is that in every major incident of violence in the last ten years, at least every one that has been widely publicized, the perpetrators have been young males in their late teens to mid-twenties. This is a significant statistic given that, according to mentalhealth.org, when it comes to mental illness, even violent mental illness, women are diagnosed and treated almost twice as frequently as men (29% percent as opposed to 17%).

This would suggest that there is another factor that supersedes mental illness that pushes these men to violence. And lets be honest, there is no shortage of disadvantages presented to boys and young men in today's society.  Over 40% of American children have parents who are divorced, and 20-25% of those kids show signs of not dealing well with the change. Of single parents with kids under 18, 85% are single mothers with children who do not have regular contact with their fathers, and 45% of those women were never married in the first place. Considering these statistics as well as the fact that boys are more likely to be physically and/or sexually abused, we start to see a frightening picture of the context in which our boys are growing up.

But even all of these factors do not fully account for the fact that all the major school violence incidents have been perpetrated by young men. There remains one major detail that is overlooked more than any other. In our post-modern pharmacological society WE ARE NOT LETTING OUR BOYS BE BOYS.  In fact, we're trying to turn our boys into girls.

Now, before you get on my case about somehow being sexist, think about it.  All the behaviors that young boys exhibit that distinguish them from their female classmates are being forcibly suppressed. Whether it be rougher play, tactile exploration, louder volumes, higher levels of energy, or even playing with trucks and guns over dolls and princesses, we are taking healthy behavior and telling our young boys that its wrong.

Don't believe me? Let's look at the facts. As of 2010, 52 million children aged 3-17 were diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). 12% of all of boys in the United States were diagnosed similarly. Most if not all of these were prescribed Ritalin. We're also prescribing antidepressants to boys as early as preschool nearly 400% more frequently than just a few years ago. Not to mention the myriad of other drugs such as Aderol being used by adolescents to focus, as well as the increasing amounts of human growth hormone (HGH) in the water and our meat. This heavy drug influx has been connected to rising rates of suicide among teens and young adults as well as deepening depression throughout life.

So answer me this: Is there really a problem with all of these children, or are we simply finding a problem just because we have looked for one? I don't think these boys are disordered. I think they are just being boys.

We have also seen a trend among parents today who are trying to change the behavior of their children through negative reinforcement of what they call "gendered behavior". All of this is in the attempt to stop our children from being "forced" into gender roles in our society, but it runs the risk of doing away with any gender identity at all. This is not a good thing, and it does not work in the long run.

Take, for example, the story of David Reimer, who was raised as a girl after a botched circumcision. His parents followed the ideas of sociologist, Dr John Money, who thought that nurture was more powerful than nature, and that boys could be raised as girls if the parents so chose. He was wrong. David, raised Brenda, still thought, acted, played, and reasoned as a boy, despite the use of sex hormones and sex reassignment surgery.  He did eventually began to live as a man of his own volition, but tragically committed suicide at the age of 38. As it turned out, the majority of Dr Money's subjects who underwent the same process ended their lives as well.

Now, I admit, this is an extreme example, but there are still parents who encourage their little boys to dress as girls and to do more feminine things, and when the other children at school notice, they are taken aside and told that they need to be comfortable with this choice.

Only genderless person I've ever seen... Just sayin'

Now here is where I may make my sociology professors angry. I'm here to say that this way of living and raising your children is ill-conceived. Boys are boys. Period. Their masculinity, however juvenile, is not simply some external characteristic that can be changed willy-nilly. Nor is it some state of mind that can be adjusted with the right mix of drugs and negative reinforcement. Their gender is not socially constructed. In fact, the fact that they are genetically XY penetrates every aspect of their being, from their brain chemistry and how rough they play, to how they relate with others and what kinds of things they will eventually come to enjoy or despise.

So, instead of trying to intervene and stopping our children from identifying or acting out who they are as young boys, we actually make a concerted effort to invest in our children and actually show them what it means to be a real man. I would be willing to bet that those poor souls who took the live of others or their own lives in acts of gun violence in Connecticut or Colorado didn't have the kind of positive support from male role models that they needed. Maybe they were mentally unbalanced, but how were they helped? Were they encouraged and told that they were cared about, or were they simply given drugs with no other type of support? We can't simply blame teachers or cruel classmates. Nor can we look at young boys who are acting out as being diseased. We need positive male role models who will man up and teach their children what it is to be a man and deal with their problems.

Away with this pablum of a gender neutral society. Show what it is to be a man in service to others. Show what it is to develop virtue not only towards others, but in relation to oneself. Encourage other men to invest in people and help them to grow. It doesn't matter if they are your own age or if they are a child. Take the time to develop your own masculinity by helping someone else develop theirs. We can only speculate, but I bet those gunmen would have benefited from such a simple act of love. Hopefully we can take steps toward preventing such acts in the future.

St Joseph, model of manliness, pray for us
God in Heaven, bless us

...And We're back!

I seem to do this a lot. I post regularly for the duration of a series of action-packed posts, and then I forget that this little community exists. It's not that I have nothing to say. It's certainly not that I have no thoughts or haven't got anything of substance to share. I simply forget. For that I apologize and hope that we can keep strolling along.

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving (last night)! I hope you all had a wonderful night and are slowly recovering from your wine and turkey stupors.

 I wanted to comment on an odd phenomenon that I noticed as I sat on my couch this past Wednesday, allowing myself to forget about the responsibilities of life and class for awhile. I was sitting there, beginning the 24 hour Turkey-Fast, and I turned on the television. I was supremely enjoying this particular episode of The Big Bang Theory, when a series of commercials came on about Black Friday.

One in particular caught my eye: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxCBmZFROBw

Now that we've both watched it, lets set aside the annoying in-your-face-ness of the whole add in order to penetrate to the deeper problems. First and foremost, apparently our material culture has just done away completely with the facade of giving and selflessness that the hliday season brings. What this commercial expresses to me is the idea that giving is simply an obligation that can be offset (thank goodness!)  by the opportunity to buy for oneself. Check out the line at the 13 second mark on the video. The song says, "Check out the price of this new flat-screen. I'll buy it for Phil, but it's also for me". Giving is being represented as a practice of self-serving. What this spot is telling us is that the holiday season is not simply a time to give. That's just something you HAVE to do. What you REALLY want is to buy for yourself. You just need the opportunity. Thank goodness for Black Friday!

The second problem with this spot is a little more difficult to spot, but troubling nonetheless. If you look at the time that the sale starts, you will see that the sale starts at 9pm Thursday, and Target is not the only one. Walmart started their sale at 8pm, and a bunch of stores, including Old Navy and Best Buy, started their sals at midnight. And what's the problem, you may ask. The sales start after dinner, so what's the harm of extending Black Friday into Thanksgiving night. Well, let's think for a second. If people really only get the best deals if they line up for hours, and if these lines really start forming 12 or more hours in advance, then the question must be asked: What about Thanksgiving?

For a moment, let's set aside the fact that celebration of the Christmas Season is still more than a month away. Let's even put aside the fact that Advent, the period of waiting for the Nativity at Christmas doesn't begin until December 2nd. Let's look past every other issue to the fact that our own level of cultural materialism is at such a height that Black Friday, the Olympics of Capitalism, has begun to encroach upon the one day a year that we set aside in order to give thanks for what we have. The opportunity that we all take to spend with our families and thank God for the blessings in our lives is being pushed aside so that we can all go out and BUY! The irony is daunting. If you need a second to take a breath, please, join me...

...Good, now that we're back, I feel the need to clarify. I am not condemning  those who buy for themselves, nor am I casting judgement on those who put on or attend sales on Thanksgiving night. I am simply pointing out a frightening cultural phenomenon that needs highlighting.

In fact, I have a solution to propose. As late as this post comes, I suggest saving the Black Friday shopping for after midnight. Don't leave your house until it's actually Friday morning! If you want to stay up all night, that's your business, but I urge you, forego the door-busters and spend time with your families. It doesn't matter whether you are a married man, a teenager, or simply and adult child. The fact is, we need our families, and opportunities to spend time together as a family unit are becoming more and more rare. Cherish the time.

I also suggest only buying a handful of things for yourself. I do not condemn you in any way for wanting to get things for yourself, the deals are crazy! But i beg you, take the opportunity to actually buy gifts for your loved ones. The deals and goods are being served to you on a silver platter. Use them to help you grow in generosity. Trust me. It's a good thing.

My prayer is that we can all begin to extricate ourselves from this culture of materialism. We need to understand that none of these things are evil on their face, but that they have the potential to overcome the positive times in our lives if we let them. Most of all, let's all remember that we are supposed to be self-giving in love, and that Christ is our model and our goal. may God bless us this holiday season

Joseph, model of manhood, pray for us!
God, Father in heaven, bless us!

In the Garden

Today is Holy Thursday, the day that Lent comes to a close and the Easter Triduum begins. All of our prayer, fasting, and alms giving has led to this moment. In the fullness of time, our Lord came down to earth to do battle with evil; a battle that begins today. We enter into the Paschal Mystery by celebrating the longest and holiest mass of the year, beginning with the opening hymns of the Holy Thursday mass and culminating in the Resurrection of our Lord a the Easter Vigil.

Jesus and his disciples have just come from the Last Supper,  and are walking through the night to the Mount of Olives. They are on edge, and for good reason. Everything about this night has been a little off. Jesus has acted as a slave, bowing down to wash their feet (Jn 13:1-20). He has prayed aloud for the church (Jn 17). He has foretold his own betrayal by Judas, and told Peter that, before cock crows  he will have denied knowing Jesus three times. Most importantly, they have celebrated the Passover meal, but in a new way. Jesus gave them the bread said, but he said that it was his body, and he called the chalice his blood, the blood of the new covenant. Then, before the Passover meal was over, they leave the house. Nobody ever left the house during Passover.

Jesus leads them down through the Kidron Valley, calling to mind the words of Psalm 23:4, “Though I walk through the dark valley I shall fear no evil”. Jesus is going out to do battle. Exodus 12:22 says that that nobody should leave the house during Passover, lest they fall victim to the angel of death. Jesus is leaving on purpose to meet the ancient serpent, the angel of death, to win back our freedom. And, in an act of total defiance, he sings. We know from scripture that only the victorious sing. Only those who have one the great battle...

Jesus leads them into the Garden of Gethsemane, as was his custom. He tells them to sit and pray, while he takes Peter, James, and John a short distance away to pray and keep watch. He then falls prostrate on the ground and begins to pray fervently. The prayer is so intense that the blood vessels in his forehead burst, and his sweat becomes like drops of blood. This condition is called hematidrosis, and is only experienced by a person in times of extreme stress. Jesus then utters his most famous prayer, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not as I will, but as you will”.  He urges his apostles to stay awake so that they do not undergo the the test, but he gives them their rest anyway. In this way he cares for the Church, his future bride, as he fights for her heart. (Matt 26:36-46; Mk 14:32-42; Lk 22:39-46)

Jesus is fully God and fully man, and as such, he can fully understand what is happening to him this moment. He is taking on the full reality of sin. Every sin that has ever been committed or is going to be committed is being laid on Jesus in that instant. As God, he can see, feel, and know the weight and suffering of every single one of those innumerable sins. Imagine the guilt that you have felt after any one sin that you commit. Now, imagine if you can what it must be like to take on every single sin of ever single person throughout human history. Is it any wonder that Jesus, in his humanity, cries out to his Father in heaven to take the suffering away? Would we not beg and plead to make the suffering stop? But, unlike us, Jesus is also fully God. In that moment he is able to die to himself fully and completely, and say to God “not my will, but yours be done”(Lk 22:42). In this moment, the battle for mankind, Jesus’ Passion, has begun.

And so they come, Judas and the temple guards, to arrest Jesus. He knows that they are coming. From where he was on the Mount of Olives, it is possible to see a lit match from two mile away. Knowing what he does, he does not hide. Nor does he wait for them to find him. He goes out to meet them (Jn 18:4). When he sees them he asks them who they are looking for. This isn't out of curiosity. Jesus is challenging them to name the one they came for. Instead of simply saying, “You”, they say “Jesus of Nazareth” (Jn 18:5). Their hearts, darkened by sin cannot perceive Jesus. So Judas, the betrayer, kisses Jesus to signify who they should arrest. The Lover of All is betrayed by an intimate sign of affection.

Jesus, tells them, “I AM.”, and the guards fall to ground. This is the seventh and final I AM statement in the gospels. They move to arrest Jesus and he tells the guards to let his disciples go (Jn 18:8). As a result, his apostles flee. This is to fulfill what is said in Leviticus 16:17, that the one who is making atonement must be alone. He is also fulfilling what he said earlier, that none of those given to him would be lost (Jn 6:39, 10:28, 17:12).

Jesus demonstrates that he is in control of everything. He may be taken prisoner, he may be beaten, he may be insulted, spit upon, and led to his death, but he is pulling the strings the whole time. Indeed, he says 'Do you not think I can call upon my Father, and he will not provide me at this moment with six legions of angels? But then how would the scriptures be fulfilled which say it must come to pass in this way" (Mt 26:53-54; Mk 14:53-65; ).

Jesus is taken to before a hastily assembled council. Here, in the middle of the night, dozens of false witnesses present themselves to testify against him. Their testimonies fall short and contradict each other. Through all of this, Jesus sits quietly. He is in control. It is not until he is ordered under oath to reveal himself that he chooses to speak up. He reveals that he is the Son of man who will be seated at the right hand of Power in Heaven. Jesus, in his true testimony, reveals himself and seals his own fate. He is taken away to a cell overnight. in the morning, he is to face Pilate, the one who has the power to condemn him to death.

Over the next few days, Jesus will walk the lonely road to Calvary to prove his love. He will contend with death and come out victorious.  Every step of the way looks like a defeat, but he is moving closer and closer to his victory.

Do we stay awake with Jesus? Do we do what we can to help him carry his burden, or do we run? Worse yet, are we the ones who betray him with a kiss? Over the next few days, pray for the strength that we do not fall in face of the test. Let us look upon the Paschal Mystery of Jesus with love and adoration, knowing that it is through his stripes we are healed.

Joseph, model of manhood, pray for us
God, Father in heaven, bless us

A Spy Among Us

Holy Wednesday, or Spy Wednesday, is the day that Judas Iscariot went to the Pharisees and made the deal with them to hand Jesus over.

It says in scripture, that Judas Iscariot, one of the Twelve, went to chief priests and offered to turn Jesus in to them. In Matthew’s account, Judas asks them “what are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?” (Matt 26:15). They agree to give him 30 pieces of silver, and from that moment on it says that Judas was looking for an opportunity to hand Jesus over to them. (Matt 26: 14-16; Mk 14: 10-11; Lk 22: 1-6)

Even though this is short passage, there is a lot to be gleaned. You will remember that it has been made clear on many different occasions that the chief priests and scribes were looking for an opportunity to arrest Jesus and put him to death. In many cases, the only thing that stopped them was their fear of the crowds for they regarded Jesus "as a prophet" (Mt 21:46). The disciples, including Judas, must have been aware of their schemes. Judas, however, did not hate Jesus. He had followed him for three years and became one of Jesus' closest friends.On the contrary, it goes on to say in Matthew’s gospel that Judas asks the Pharisees, “what are you willing to give me if I hand him [Jesus] over to you?”. Judas is not motivated by hatred, but rather by greed.

The elders agree to give Judas 30 pieces of silver. It is often overlooked that this is not an expensive price at all. 30 pieces of silver was the same price noted in Zechariah 11:12 as being the price paid to the rejected shepherd. In the next verse, 30 pieces of silver is referred to as “a cheap price”. It is also the same amount paid to one who’s slave has been gored by an ox (Ex 21:32). Jesus was being sold for the price of a slave. He, the true rejected shepherd, was being sold for the same amount paid to a shepherd with no flock.

This says a lot about Judas. He was motivated by avarice and insatiable greed, and not by any hatred for Jesus or his teaching. This was not something new. In John’s account of the anointing at Bethany, we hear that he used to steal from the money bag, and now we see that his sin of greed has completely overcome him. It brings him to the point where any amount of money is worth handing over his master. In Matt 6:24, Jesus says that a man cannot serve God and money. Judas illustrates this point painfully well.

Our Lord is not ignorant of any of this. In all four gospels, Jesus announces during the Passover meal that one seated among them is to betray him. He also lays out a warning, saying woe to that man, and it would better had he never been born. The apostles are shocked, and begin to ask Jesus one by one if they are the one that is going to do it. Judas is the last to ask, and Jesus tells him "You have said so" (Mt 26:25). Our Lord then chooses to reveal prophetically the identity of the betrayer. In Luke, Jesus says that the one whose hand is with his on the table is the betrayer. Matthew and Mark both say that it is the one who dipped his hand into the dish with Jesus. John says that it is the one to whom Jesus hands the morsel after he has dipped it (Jn 13:26). Regardless, Jesus emphasizes the idea that the betrayer is someone who he shares table fellowship with. The betrayer is someone who is close to him; a person who is like family to him.  He then looks Judas in the eye and tells him "what you are going to do, do quickly" (Jn 13:27). (Mt 26:20-25; Mk 14:17-21; Lk 22:21-23; Jn 13:21-30)

So, Judas leaves, into the night, to alert the temple guards of their opportunity to arrest Jesus. He leads them to the Mount of Olives, a place Jesus has often gone to pray. He meets Jesus and greets him with a kiss, a sign of love and affection that has now become a sign of betrayal. The Passion of our Lord begins through a disordered and dishonest expression of love. Only at this point does Judas realize what he has done. he tries to return the money to the Pharisees in an attempt to but Jesus back. They reject his offer, and taking a rope, Judas hangs himself in his despair (Mt 27:3-10)

What masters do we serve instead of our Lord? Do we put money on too high of a pedestal? What does it take for us to sell out Jesus in our jokes and conversations? Do we despair in our sins and reject the forgiveness of Jesus. Let us pray for the true devotion to give Jesus our best instead of selling him short in our daily lives. Let us pray to put him first and refuse to let other things get in the way.

Joseph, model of manhood, Pray for us
God, Father in heaven, Bless us

One Step Over the Edge...

Trust is a tricky thing. It can be gained or lost in a moment. Those who don't deserve it are often times are best at getting it, and we seldom give it fully to those we should be able to rely on most. Sometimes we're naive, and just hand our trust over to anyone with a nice shirt, and an impressive vocabulary. Sometimes we're stubborn and set up impossible standards that are inevitably left underwhelmed and unfulfilled. Sometimes we're just blind, and make the ones we should trust most jump through hoop after hoop because we can't see all they've done for us.

Honestly, I think we're just a scared people. We're scared to be open and vulnerable while at the same time we're afraid not to have anyone to rely on. We're afraid to be alone but afraid to be hurt or to be mocked. The problem is that this creates an odd dichotomy in which we either open ourselves up partially to anyone that we find, but run and hide whenever someone really wants to get to know the real, unbridled, mess YOU.

People like our friends... Or our family... Or God

But why? Haven't they given us reason after reason to trust? Haven't our friends and family been there when things were their worst? Hasn't God given us everything we have? Hasn't He blessed us and loved us? Hasn't he saved us? He's brought me this far? Why can't I trust that He really has a plan for me? Why can't I trust that He loves me?

I think we get so wrapped up in our egos at times. We have this false humility in our world that makes us think that our problems are so bad, and that nobody could possibly be as hurt as me, let alone understand me. Who is this invisible man in the sky anyway, and what does he have to do with me?

We forget what we have been given, and we're left stranded in a sea of unfulfilled expectations because we refuse to acknowledge the fact that we are blessed either because we're not humble enough to accept that love, or we're scared of what accepting that love will mean. Often, it's not that we don't believe or trust in the plan. It's that we're afraid of the plan, so we push it to the back of our mind because we're afraid to let go of what we think is best for us.

But sometimes, I think it's just that we're afraid to make the leap. We don't think we'll be caught because we've never had to jump before, or we've been dropped in the past. A scar stands in our way.

But are we content with that? Are we content ignoring our blessings and/or being afraid to move? Are we content being lonely or opening ourselves up to anyone who seems trustworthy? I say no! Look back on your life, and tell me where God has been at work? How have you gotten to where you are today? Can you really say that He hasn't brought you? What stands in the way of you trusting him how you should? Once we identify it, it has to be addressed. There is almost nothing as ridiculous as the idea of not trusting the one who has given us everything; the one who has nothing to prove to us. The one who saves.

Meditate on how we do and don't trust God, and really address the shortcomings. I promise that if you do, you will absolutely go deeper and his absolute faith will abolish all fear.

May the Lord our God bless us
St Joseph, model of manliness, pray for us

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

This past month, I had the opportunity to work as a summer missionary for Lifeteen up in Boston, MA. It was an amazing opportunity to minister to the youth of that area as well as dive deeper into my own faith. I learned that to life a Christian life is to live a life that is missionary. It means treating every moment, every conversation, every step, every day as if it were a mission in an of itself. And what is the objective of the mission?

To Convert Hearts

This means living, acting, and loving in every moment as Christ did. It means clinging to the Cross and to the Eucharist with steadfast hope and faith. It means building your heart on the foundation of rock that is Christ and the Church instead of the ever shifting sands that a life of world has to offer.

Honestly it means living in what an African priest and Martyr called "The Fellowship of the Unashamed". In the middle of the night a few years ago, he was taken and never seen again. When people came to his home, they found that he had written the following poem on his wall:

"I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.

I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.  I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear!"

 We live as a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed. We have a mission that is clear and we will not back down. We march under the banner of Christ, and we will be victorious. I pray that we can take these words to heart so that we can truly be missionary.

May the Lord our God bless us
St. Joseph, model of manliness, pray for us

Identity Crisis

Have you ever stopped to ask who, or what you are? It seems an odd question to ask. But please, humor me. We live a life that is so focused outward on the activities and aesthetics of our lives that we seldom look inward at ourselves for any significant reason. I gave this some thought the other day and came to the realization that much, if not most of the time, I as well as many others have no idea how to answer this question. We fall victim to a series of lies and misdirections that keep us away from the awesome truth of who and what we really are.

The first temptation, and the one I struggle with most personally, is the temptation to think that "I am what I do". I AM a teacher. I AM a student. I AM leader, friend, or youth minister. I AM (insert responsibility here). Simply put, we identify ourselves by our jobs and positions. Well, what happens if you lose your job? What happens if you rid yourself of responsibility? What happens if you don't do that job well? Do you cease to exist? No! We are something greater than anything we can do or say.

We're also tempted to think that "I am what others say about me". This is a hard one to fess up to, especially in our individualistic society, but imagine the following scenario. You give a presentation to a group of 50 people. 49 say how great the presentation it was, but one person says he hated it. He say's you wasted his time. Who are you going to remember? It almost seems, at least in my own life, that I identify myself with the NEGATIVE things others say about me, and try to do better. However, I don't try to improve in an effort to better myself. I'm trying to better the things people say. It's another lie! We can be so focused on the things that people think, that we will begin to reflect those feelings, or even overcompensate to improve other people's opinions. This is a black hole we simply cannot fall into.

The third and final temptation that we fall into is to think "I am what I have done". We look for affirmation in our achievements. Look how many trophies I have! Look at the good I've done in my church/community! Look at my degrees. The danger here is that it keeps us looking behind us. And why not? The past is concrete. It's safe. We know everything to know about yesterday and always will. But what happens when we seek comfort in our accomplishments to the point where we ignore the present? The lie here is that there is a past or a future. There is only now. The past has faded away, and the future is only a vague idea of "nows" to come. The only thing that really exists, and the only place where salvation can truly be found, is the present moment.

Can we see the lie that runs rampant throughout all three of these temptations? It's that we ARE external. We ARE only what we can feel and touch with our two hands. We are what we can do. The enemy is playing us! What we ARE far outstrips anything that he says we are. We ARE beloved sons and daughters of the Lord, God almighty! Think about that for a moment. At the Jordan, when Jesus was baptized, the voice of the Father came from heaven saying "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased". He is saying that about every single one of us. We are loved by a God who thought us into existence and maintains us at every moment. We are beloved sons and daughters of God! Nothing we have done or can do can take that away. Nothing that anyone says can strip us of it. Let it sink in! We are children of the almighty God, and nothing less.

One final thought. When God spoke to Moses from the bush, and told Moses his name, he simple said "I Am who Am". He didn't say I Am Creator, or I Am Father. He only said "I AM". We are made in image and likeness of a God who just IS. I pray that we can all remember this truth, and live it in our daily lives so that, at the end of time, He can look upon us and say "This is my beloved child, in whom I am very well pleased".

May the Lord, or God bless us
St Joseph, model of manhood, pray for us