Skepticism or Fear?

Today is the feast day of St Thomas the apostle. Thomas, called Didymus or the Twin, is often spoken of in the scriptures. He is most well known for the passage in John read at today's mass (John 20:24-29). The reading goes as follows:

Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples aid to him, “We have seen the Lord.” But Thomas said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” Now a week later his disciples were again inside and Thomas was with them. Jesus came, although the doors were locked, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.” Thomas answered and said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

 So, for whatever reason, Thomas was absent when Jesus appeared to the apostles the first time (John 20:19-22). Maybe he was out getting food or water. Maybe he was mourning the loss of Jesus who has died three days earlier. Maybe he was just using the ancient Palestinian equivalent of a toilet. Regardless, he returns to hear the other ten apostles proclaiming the good news that Jesus has risen from the dead and shown himself alive. To this, Thomas famously replies, "Unless I see the mark of the nail in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." (John 20:25)

Now, why would Thomas have responded in such a closed off and confrontational manner? Perhaps he is simply a skeptic. Wouldn't you be? The idea of a man, even a man like Jesus, rising from the dead after only three short days is a fantastic story, not to mention crazy. There are countless people today who are skeptical of the same thing.

However, I don't think skepticism is really at play here. Thomas had followed Jesus for three years. He had see the man work miracle after miracle, even going so far as to raise others from the dead. Thomas, like the others, believed the profession of Peter that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the Living God (Matthew 16:13-20; Mark 8:27-30; Luke 9:18-20). No, I think the refusal of Thomas to believe in the resurrection reveals something much deeper: the destruction of hope.

Imagine following Jesus. Imagine believing that he is the Messiah, the one who has come to save Israel from captivity and free them from bondage, both earthly and spiritual. Imagine putting all of your hope, all of your faith, and all of your expectation into this man who can walk on water, raise the dead, and drive out demons with a word. Now, imagine watching this man be savagely beaten, spit upon, whipped, and made to carry the instrument of his own execution. Imagine what it must feel like to watch him be nailed naked to a cross in full view of the people he professed to save. Imagine the heartbreak that Thomas must have felt, not just for Jesus, his dear friend and mentor, but for himself and every other person who put faith in this poor rabbi who was made to die a criminal's death. In a way, Jesus was not the only one to die that day. All of the hopes, dreams, and faith of the people who followed him, including Thomas, had been nailed on that cross alongside Jesus. Thomas' hope was killed as well that day, and it must have been agony.

Now, fast forward three days. The eleven are hiding, scared to suffer Jesus' fate.The terrible memory and deep anguish of a hope demolished were still fresh in Thomas' heart. Then, after a short time away, Thomas returns to hear that Jesus is alive! This was not only too good to be true, it was too good to be believable. It was too good to be taken seriously. To a man who had not had the time to even begin rebuilding his faith and hope in God, this must have come as just another slap to the face. So, in anger and frustration at nobody in particular, Thomas makes his proclamation that he will not believe unless he has seen and touched the man himself. He cannot believe. He cannot open his heart to have faith, especially after it had been so hurt the last time he had believed in anything.

Thus, the gospel reveals to us, through the person of Thomas, a kind of mirror into our own experience of vulnerability, suffering, and the feeling of betrayal. Thomas, though offered a way out of his misery and self-devouring heartbreak, opts to remain in the belief that Jesus is dead. Why would he do that? Simply put, Thomas, like the rest of us at some time or another, has been fooled by the enemy into accepting and dwelling in suffering as a way of avoiding the new and unknown. Even though consolation is offered to him, the Devil uses the feelings of betrayal and loss in order to make Thomas avoid vulnerability, and in turn, reject love. We, like Thomas, tend to accept the suffering we know in order to avoid or put off the joy that we don't. Thomas' reaction to the news of the resurrection reveals to us our own fear of heartbreak that manifests itself in a lack of openness and vulnerability.

In his pain, the enemy convinces Thomas that to believe in anything is to suffer, and suffering is to be avoided. So Thomas puts a condition on his belief: He must touch and feel the risen Lord, and then his heart will begin to accept the invitation of consolation.

And it is important that Thomas asks for something tangible. He needs to experience the fullness of Jesus resurrected to have his heart healed. The simple news of it will not due. Is this not true in our own world as well? The news of Jesus is good, but without the fullness of an experience, the Gospel is just a collection of stories and the scriptures just another book. Thomas, like many of us in a hurting and broken world, need to experience Jesus with all of our senses to make up for the hurt and demoralization we feel.

So Jesus comes, and the first thing he says is to Thomas. "Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe." (John 20:27). I imagine that Jesus, knowing full-well the depth of the heartbreak that Thomas felt, must have looked upon him with love and care. "Come", his eyes must have said, "and have your hope restored." And how does Thomas react to this? He cries out, with tears in his eyes and renewed faith in his soul, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28). His experience allows him to believe again in the hope of the Messiah. In a way, Thomas' belief was also raised from the dead on Easter Sunday.

Jesus ends this passage by teaching Thomas by his experience. "Jesus said to him [Tomas], 'Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed'" (John 20:29). Jesus tells us that the more blessed faith is that which does not falter in the face of adversity. True faith does not shrink under hardship or wither under pressure. True faith goes beyond the sensual experience of life and penetrates deep into our very being, changing us, strengthening us.

May we all pray for this blessing as the Israelite man did in Mark 9:24, "I believe, help my unbelief!" Let us pray for the faith the size of a mustard seed that changes us and allows us to move mountains, and let us recognize the blessing that Jesus tells us it truly is in today's gospel. But let us also understand the smallness of our own faith, and let us run to Jesus in the Eucharist. Let us fully experience him with all of our senses as Thomas did, and let that experience reveal to us a deeper faith and allow us to truly hope in things that are yet intangible and yet unseen.

St Thomas, Pray for us,
St Jospeh, model of manliness, pray for us
Father in heaven, bless us

What Now...?

Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Lord of the Universe, is dead and laid in the tomb. Imagine that you are one of his disciples. Yesterday Jesus was beaten, scorned, insulted, gored, and hung on a cross to die naked in front a crowd of those who hated him and celebrated his demise. And what did you do? Maybe you ran. Maybe you hid. Were you afraid for your own life? Did you think, maybe they would do the same to you if they found you? How do you feel today, Saturday? What do you do when the man you gave everything for is gone?

Scripture doesn't really tell us much about what the apostles did on Holy Saturday. We know from Luke (23:56) that they rested according to the Sabbath. Did they go to the temple? If they did, they must have tried to remain inconspicuous. The voice of Jesus must have still been ringing in their ears when he said, "No slave is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you... they will do these things to you on account of my name" (John 15:20-21).

The Apostles together on Holy Saturday

They must have felt lost. They must have thought to themselves, "what now?". Maybe the words of Peter came to mind. "Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68). Imagine the quiet emptiness that they must have felt. Imagine the feelings of abandonment. Imagine what it must have felt like to give three years of your life to a man and his cause, only to see him die. Not only that, but to know that you just ran away; to know that you valued your own life so much that you weren't even there to comfort him. I'm sure that Peter is not the only one who denied knowing Jesus that day.

We do know some things, however. We know that they returned to the upper room and stayed together. Indeed, on Easter Sunday, Jesus finds them there together (Jn 20: 19, 26). They were supporting and consoling each other. They must have been praying for a next step. We know that Mary of Magdala was there. When they saw Jesus, it says they returned to the upper room to tell the apostles (Jn 20:1-2; Mt 27:7-8; Mk 16:7; Lk 24: 7-8).

We can also assume that Mary was with them. John took her into his home (Jn 19:27), and as they were all together, she must have been there too. Imagine the comfort she must have been to them. She had a faith that surpassed all of them. She knew from the moment she gave her 'yes' to the angel (Lk 1:38), and from her encounter with Simeon in the temple those many years before (Lk 2:34-35), that this day was coming. She was their mother now (Jn 19:26). Yes, she was mourning  Yes, she must have been in more pain then any of them, but she knew that her son would come through. She believed.

Mary the Comforter

So, on this day of quiet contemplation, on this day of quiet desolation as our Lord rests in the tomb, I encourage you to be seek comfort in the arms of Mary, our mother. She is a model of faith. She is a model of patient perseverance. As we entered the tomb with Christ last night and stay there today, ask Mary to pray for you. Ask her to dry your tears and lead your prayers. Let yourself be buried in her embrace and allow her to bring you deeper into the Paschal Mystery. That way, when the bells ring tonight at the first Easter mass of the year, we can truly experience the joy of the Risen Lord as Mary and the apostles do.

Mary, mother of the Church, pray for us
God, Father in Heaven, bless us

How to Discern: A Few Pointers From A Friend

Within Catholic communities, especially young adult groups, the term discernment gets tossed around a lot. "I'm discerning my vocation", "I'm discerning what job to take", "I'm discerning whether or not I should date that girl". It's our way of telling people that we're really taking our time and putting our prayer and reason into making a decision. We're not just thinking, we're discerning. Often times it brings to mind images of solemn people on their knees in a pew with their heads bowed in prayer waiting to hear the next step. To me it also brings to mind the image of stressing over a decision, one that is life or death. "I'm discerning this, so I better not get it wrong!"

Nowhere, in my experience, is this more true than in the realm of vocational discernment. And why not? If God really has one vocation for me, I want to know where I'm going! And how do I figure that out? I had better think long and hard about it. I really feel like I should get married, or is that just what I want? What does God want? Should I be a priest? I don't really feel like it, but maybe I'm not open enough? How do I get more open? What does open even mean? I want one thing so that must mean that God wants the opposite! That guy on retreat told me that God laughs at our plans, why is he laughing! I don't know what to do! I can't get this wrong! I only have one shot! If I get it wrong my life is ruined!!! AH!! ... Oh hey that girl is pretty, I feel called to date her now.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the mind of many a young Catholic man. We want to know what God wants, but we don't know how to get there. So, instead of really discerning, we just stress ourselves into oblivion. Don't get me wrong. We need to take our time to discern and pray about what God is truly calling us to, and this may take the form of frantic prayer at times, but if we are truly discerning, the Lord is going to guide us. We should be able to find peace and joy in the discernment process. If you 're angry or in turmoil about it, you're probably doing it wrong.

So here are a few pointers from a guy who is also trying to figure his life out. Hopefully they help you along your path of discernment.

- Know What You're Really Ready For- I work for a great priest. He'll remain nameless here, suffice to say that he has helped me on many occasion simply by speaking a few words. Once, when I was 18, I was stressing about what my vocation was supposed to be, and I just had to know. It was like God had a secret that I wasn't in on, and I wanted the scoop. So I asked Father what I should do and how I could know what I was called to. He looked at me for a second before asking, "Do you think you're ready to be married tomorrow?", to which I responded, "Oh gosh, no! I'm only 18!". He laughed and told me, "If you're not ready to commit to a vocation at this moment, you probably don't need to know". And he was right. Guys, don't discern something unless you're really ready to know the answer and ACT on it. The Lord reveal things when we are truly ready, and that includes when we are actually ready to pursue the calling. Often times we just want to know our future vocation for no other reason than to glimpse our future. This is pride gentlemen. Live in the moment, not in the future. If you are not ready in the moment, then you have other things you could be working on.

- One Thing at a Time- All too often, I hear my friends who are in relationships talk about whether or not they are called to be a priest. These are holy guys who just want to follow the Lords plan for their life, but their focus is more on the ends than their current situation. As a result, they end up discerning the wrong thing. If you are in a relationship, it is unfair to your significant other to be discerning another vocation. To discern means putting your energy and focus into one thing to determine whether or not you are called to continue or to abandon that particular endeavor. If you are dating someone, it means that you are discerning whether or not that person is supposed to be your spouse. To have your mind on priesthood while dating her would be unfair. It would be the same as a seminarian who is studying for the priesthood to take a girl out on a date. It simply doesn't work. He would be discerning two vocations at once, which would be unfair to both. He would need to fully apply himself to one in order to see if he was called to it or not. Then he could know whether or not to consider the other. If you are dating someone, consider yourself in the "seminary of her". Put your effort into praying about her, with her, and for her. Get to know her. Find out who she is, what she believes, and why she believes it. What does she hope for? Where is God taking her? Approach your relationship the same way seminarians approach their studies: with awe, humility, and openness. That way, even if you come to the realization that she is not the one, you gave her a fair chance and made an informed decision. Any other way is simply half-hearted commitment.

- Don't Go At It Alone- Often times we think that our discernment is just between us and God. That is simply untrue. In order to fully discern something, you need to talk to other people. Talk to a priest about seminary. Talk to married people about dating. Talk to a monk or sister about novitiate. Notice that I said married people, and not dating or single, and that I said priest, not seminarian. Talk to someone who has sealed the deal! They are the ones who have fully discerned and taken the leap or faith. They have made public vows saying that that have discerned the decision through, and they are living with the results. They know more than your friends! Also, find a spiritual director. A priest, deacon, or religious person who knows you and can offer an honest assessment of how you are doing, and what you should be doing. Let them guide you. Listen to what they have to say. They know more than you! If you allow yourself to be guided by trusted leaders, you will not go astray.

- Pray, Pray, Pray- Let me ask you... how many of the things that you "discern" do you really take to prayer? I'm not talking quick mentions here and there. I mean real prayer. Do you ask questions? Do you allow them to be answered? Do you just talk and talk? Do you even want to know the answers? Every step along the way of discernment should be rooted in prayer. Pray about whether to discern something in the first place. Pray about the next step. Pray about continuing. Pray about concerns. Pray about things that you're excited about. If you are truly called to something, you will notice two things. First, the things that you are called to will stay constant. If you are really meant to do something, the Lord will keep putting the same thing on your heart for a long time. Don't be afraid to take your time. Discernment always yields results just as you need an answer and never sooner. Just take a breath and stop thinking that your vocational discernment is an episode of 24. Secondly, if you are really called to something, you will be at peace about it. It may scare the poo out of you, but it will be peaceful. You will know if it is the right thing. Trust me. Bring prayer into every aspect of discernment, and you will not go wrong. I can promise you that.

I hope this helped to shed some light on some worries you're been having. If you have any questions  feel free to comment below. Otherwise, just remember that our God does not keep secrets. He simply takes his time to reveal his plans. That time may seem like an eternity to us, but we will find out the answers we need when we are ready to hear them. As it says in Jeremiah 29:11 " I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for your woe, so as to give you a future full of hope."

Joseph, model of manhood, pray for us
God, Father in heaven, bless us

A Big Weekend...

Last night, I logged onto my Facebook and read the news that many had been hoping for for ten years. Osama Bin Laden had been killed by American Special Forces. However, behind the chants of "USA!", I noticed a particularly disturbing trend. People were not rejoicing over the fact that this man was out of power, or that Al Queda was now left leaderless. What I saw was an entire news feed full of people that were rejoicing over a death. Some of the statuses I saw were as follows:

"Enjoy Hell Bin Laden", "Ding Dong, Bin Laden's dead", "There's no better way to end the weekend than Bin Laden's death", and the list goes on and on...

People! This is not a freaking video game! A man is dead. What he did and what he is responsible for does not give anyone the right to rejoice over his death as if he was not a human being to begin with. 

The Vatican made this statement: "Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace." 

However, when Catholic News Blog posted the story, the first comment was this:"I rejoice that God gave our troops the ability to find and kill this devil.The king of the dogs is dead. I think we should hang his dead body on a pole at ground zero, point a webcam at him and let the buzzards pick his bones as the world watches. Maybe then the Islamic terrorist will understand we mean business"

Is this not a terrifying picture of the culture of death that we live in? Are we just like the people we fight wars against who burn images of our leaders in effigy? Do we really celebrate death as if it were a gift to take the life of a man? As Catholics we are called now more than ever to pray for our enemies. Did the many Catholics who I saw posting about Bin Laden even realize that it was Divine Mercy Sunday, or that John Paul II, a huge proponent of mercy and forgiveness, was made blessed

I think all these things happened on the same day for a reason. We are meant to show mercy to those who oppress us, and forgiveness to those who do us harm. We need to live out the words spoken so beautifully by Father Lombard in the Vatican. I say do not rejoice over the death of a human being. Do not deny his personhood or the image of God in which he was created. I urge you to say a prayer for Osama Bin Laden's soul, and also pray for a healing in the world and in our own hearts.

May the Lord, our God, bless us, our country, and our world                                                                                                                         Saint Joseph, model of manliness, pray for us

http://www.romereports.com/palio/Vatican-asks-to-not-celebrate-killing-of-Bin-Laden-fears-it-will-increase-hate-english-4045.html

From Our Lips to His Ears

Prayer is a tricky thing. What do I say? Is Jesus kinda like Santa who just wants to hear what I want and gives it to me if I'm good? Oh! Maybe prayer is just a time when I tell God what bothers me. If I pray hard enough, my problems will just go away. No... that doesn't seem quite right either. Should I read something? Do I pray a rosary? And what's this silence thing anyway. What does it all mean?

If you're like me you've thought all of these things throughout your daily life, and tried most if not all of these strategies. Unfortunately, in the confusion of it all, the real meaning of what prayer is supposed to be get's lost. A dear friend of mine (the same one who gave me the dating link a couple weeks ago actually), once described prayer simply as an intimate conversation between best friends. That really hit me. I thought to myself, "do I converse with God in my prayer, or do I just talk at him for awhile and then go about the rest of my day?".

The answer to what prayer really is and isn't ended up being all of the above, yet none of the above. God really does want to hear our wants and our woes. He wants us to read the bible or pray a rosary, or even reflect on a spiritual reading. But what gets missed in the constant ebb and flow of life is that in order to reach conversation with God, we have to listen. We need to sit in silence and ask God what he has to say. It takes practice. We may hear something and we may not. We need to take time and be receptive to the still small voice that dwells in the very core of our hearts.

But we need structure! If you're like me, you can't just sit there. You have to be doing something. This isn't as hard as it seems. The Church is loving enough to give us daily readings, selections from His living Word that we are meant to hear that day. Read them, then read them again. Finally, reflect on how the readings stand out to you. The way the readings touch our hearts is the way that God is trying to reach us that day. It may seem overly simple, but God does all he can to meet us where we are. He knows exactly what we need.

Prayer is essential to be a true Christian. From our prayer comes the refreshment we need to go out and complete our daily mission. My prayer is that we can listen to what God has in store for us, and put it into action in our lives.

May the Lord, or God, bless us
St Joseph, model of manliness, pray for us