What Now...?

Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Lord of the Universe, is dead and laid in the tomb. Imagine that you are one of his disciples. Yesterday Jesus was beaten, scorned, insulted, gored, and hung on a cross to die naked in front a crowd of those who hated him and celebrated his demise. And what did you do? Maybe you ran. Maybe you hid. Were you afraid for your own life? Did you think, maybe they would do the same to you if they found you? How do you feel today, Saturday? What do you do when the man you gave everything for is gone?

Scripture doesn't really tell us much about what the apostles did on Holy Saturday. We know from Luke (23:56) that they rested according to the Sabbath. Did they go to the temple? If they did, they must have tried to remain inconspicuous. The voice of Jesus must have still been ringing in their ears when he said, "No slave is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you... they will do these things to you on account of my name" (John 15:20-21).

The Apostles together on Holy Saturday

They must have felt lost. They must have thought to themselves, "what now?". Maybe the words of Peter came to mind. "Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68). Imagine the quiet emptiness that they must have felt. Imagine the feelings of abandonment. Imagine what it must have felt like to give three years of your life to a man and his cause, only to see him die. Not only that, but to know that you just ran away; to know that you valued your own life so much that you weren't even there to comfort him. I'm sure that Peter is not the only one who denied knowing Jesus that day.

We do know some things, however. We know that they returned to the upper room and stayed together. Indeed, on Easter Sunday, Jesus finds them there together (Jn 20: 19, 26). They were supporting and consoling each other. They must have been praying for a next step. We know that Mary of Magdala was there. When they saw Jesus, it says they returned to the upper room to tell the apostles (Jn 20:1-2; Mt 27:7-8; Mk 16:7; Lk 24: 7-8).

We can also assume that Mary was with them. John took her into his home (Jn 19:27), and as they were all together, she must have been there too. Imagine the comfort she must have been to them. She had a faith that surpassed all of them. She knew from the moment she gave her 'yes' to the angel (Lk 1:38), and from her encounter with Simeon in the temple those many years before (Lk 2:34-35), that this day was coming. She was their mother now (Jn 19:26). Yes, she was mourning  Yes, she must have been in more pain then any of them, but she knew that her son would come through. She believed.

Mary the Comforter

So, on this day of quiet contemplation, on this day of quiet desolation as our Lord rests in the tomb, I encourage you to be seek comfort in the arms of Mary, our mother. She is a model of faith. She is a model of patient perseverance. As we entered the tomb with Christ last night and stay there today, ask Mary to pray for you. Ask her to dry your tears and lead your prayers. Let yourself be buried in her embrace and allow her to bring you deeper into the Paschal Mystery. That way, when the bells ring tonight at the first Easter mass of the year, we can truly experience the joy of the Risen Lord as Mary and the apostles do.

Mary, mother of the Church, pray for us
God, Father in Heaven, bless us

That Good Friday

The Passion of our Lord : Mt 27; Mk 15; Lk 23; Jn 19

After a night in jail, Jesus is bound and led to the palace of Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor of the province. The Jews themselves have no power to execute criminals. That is a power held only by the Romans. So, they gather outside of Pilate residence and call for him to executeJesus on the charge of heresy.

Pilate is a man who is careful in his actions. He has political ambitions that go beyond the outpost in Jerusalem, and he doesn't want to do anything that might hinder his upward mobility. He is also a just man who doesn't want any unnecessary blood on his hands. So, when they bring this man, this Jesus, bound and beaten into his presence, he is curious. They say that he calls himself a king. They say that he has made himself the Son of God. Pilate takes Jesus into the praetorium to question him.

Pilate asks repeatedly whether or not Jesus is a king, and Jesus refuses to give him a straight answer. Finally, Jesus says, "my kingdom is not of this world." (Jn 18:36). Pilate walks out and addresses the crowd that welcomed Jesus as the Messiah a few short days ago. He does not find any guilt in Jesus. The crowds call loudly for his crucifixion. In order to placate them, and to possibly save this innocent man's life, Pilate offers to give the Jews a choice of which prisoner to release, and which to execute. He can either release Jesus, or he can release Barabbas, a revolutionary and a murderer. To Pilate surprise, they call for Barabbas. In Hebrew, Bar-abbas means "Son of the Father". In this way, the true Son is handed over to death while an impostor is released.

Pilate still refuses to execute Jesus. Instead he says that he will have him scourged and then release him. The whips used to scourge prisoners had nine straps, all attached to bones, glass, hooks, and metal pieces that were meant to tear the flesh from the bones. By the time Jesus is brought back, he would have been unrecognizable. He would have been a bloody mess. After he is scourged, the guards weave a crown out of thorns and place it on his head. They place a reed in his hand and a purple robe on his back. He is dressed as a makeshift king, and on his head are the same thorns that Adam was cursed to pull forth from the ground (Gen 3: 18). The new Adam is crowned with the fruit of Adams sin.

Jesus is brought back before the Jews, and they still call for his crucifixion. Pilate tries to intercede for him. He tries to release him, but the Jews call out, "If you release him, you are not a friend of Caesar." (Jn 19:12). So, under the weight of public pressure, Pilate allows them to take Jesus to crucify him.

The cross is laid on the back of Jesus. He is made to walk it along with two criminals. The walk itself is about a mile long, first through the hot, winding streets of Jerusalem, then out of the city to the place of the skull, in Hebrew, Golgotha. Along the way, the same people who called him the Son of David now mock him and jeer at him. He is beaten and spit upon. People cry out to him and curse him. Jesus knows every single one of them. He knows their hearts. He knew them when they were conceived and he knows their every joy and hurt. He loves them. He weeps for them. These are the people who he is dying for. These are those for whom he has chosen to give everything.

He falls over and over. The weight of the cross is simply too much for his battered frame to handle. So, in order to keep him alive until they reach Golgotha, the guards pull Simon, a Cyrenian, of the crowd and press him into service. Simon puts his arm over the blood soaked cross. He likely doesn't realize that a single drop of that blood could save all of humanity. Jesus must have looked at him. What were those eyes like? The holiness and the love, still visible through the blood and tears, was enough to draw Simon in. It was enough to make him help this man he never knew.

Jesus is walked up to the hill, and there he is crucified. They lay him on the wood of the cross, and the drive nails through his wrists and through his ankles. The nails they used were comparable in size to railroad spikes, and the sound they made as they were pounded repeatedly through flesh and bone must have been nauseating. Jesus is crucified and the cross is placed in the ground. There he hung as people mocked him, spit upon him, and cursed his name. The tempted him to prove his power by coming down. Even one of the other men crucified called for him to step down from the cross. But he stays on the cross. He stays immersed in suffering because he knew that we would not have a choice to come down from our own crosses.

His last action is to call forth John, and disciple that he loved, and his mother, Mary. To John he says,"Behold, your mother", and to Mary, "Behold, your son." (Jn 19:26-27). The last thing he has on earth, his relationship with his mother, he relinquishes for our good. He makes sure that there is no relationship and no thing that he still possesses at the end. He gives everything there is to give, and after three hours of torture, he gives up his spirit.

What relief to be finished. To be taken off the cross and to be laid in a tomb. What sorrow and abandonment must the disciples have felt. Did we run like they did? Did we follow behind and curse him or deny that we knew him? Did we try to help like Simon? Today, we enter into the tomb with our Lord. We feel his absence. We know the reality of his death. Today, mourn the loss of our God, but remain hopeful. We will see that we cannot have a cross without a resurrection. We cannot have a Good Friday without an Easter Sunday.

Joseph, model of manhood, pray for us
God, Father in heaven, bless us

Morality is for Real... Suck it Up

Look, I've already reconciled with the fact that, when it comes to my sociology classes, I am The Enemy. I am a Catholic, conservative, middle class, white, straight, male. According to my classes and classmates, this means that all "inequality" that has been "suffered" by women, minorities, the poor, and those with same-sex attractions throughout the centuries is not only caused, but is maintained by me and my ilk.

How do we evil men do it? We apply gender roles and arbitrary morals on people throughout their lives in order to keep everyone stuck in mud along with us. We obviously refuse to think or to "open our minds". It goes without saying that we hate everyone who disagrees with us. "Why can't we all just get along?", you ask, and we simply respond by punching people in the face and imposing our morality on the poor, oppressed masses.

If you think this is who I am or what the Catholic Church is, I ask you gently turn off your computer and slam your head forcefully and repeatedly into the nearest wall for all the good you bring to this discussion. I'm only going to say this once: The norms that we have and the morals that have been passed down by the Church through the millennia are not an imposition or an effort to keep everyone else from having fun or "being who they are" (hippies). They are objective reality and truth that has been tested and refined over the course of HUNDREDS of years by some of the most intelligent and enlightened men ever to grace this planet. Simply because you don't like it doesn't mean it's wrong. Simply because it calls you to change does not mean its an imposition.

Stacks upon stacks of wisdom

Right and wrong are concrete objective states. Just because it challenges you doesn't mean you have ability to define you own morality. The second you start to say that what's right "for you" is different than what's right "for me" you should return to slamming your head into that good ol' wall. You see, the danger in trying to define your own morality is that you make yourself the author of right and wrong. What arrogance! What self-aggrandizement! The danger in saying "why can't we just let everyone do their own thing" means that you're still limiting those who disagree with you.

For instance, in the debate over same-sex marriages, people keep coming back to the idea that everyone should just allow everyone to do what makes them happy. Everyone should just be allowed to marry whoever they want and practice marriage however they want. Well, say that your right and marriage is allowed to be redefined. All of a sudden, the largest organization of people in the world, the Catholic Church, is forced to betray their morals. Why can't they be allowed to practice and defend what they believe? Is it because you simply don't like it?

Relative thinking in terms of morality always falls apart because it doesn't work in reality  One morality always needs to be placed above the others. To fall into a groove of right and wrong, whether you define your own or not, means that someone else is indeed WRONG. So the question becomes, what makes your morality (or lack thereof) so much better than mine? Your degree? The Catholic Church is and always has been the center of thought and education the world over. Is it your life experience? The Church has existed for 2000+ years and has experienced all manner of life over that course of time. Is it your novelty of insight? Well why would novelty in morality be appealing to being with? In the chaotic nature of the world we live in, why would I want to follow an unproven system of morality? The Church understands the human person, and the morals and doctrines that are passed down come from the fundamental knowledge of the wants and needs of the human person.

Here's a new thought, your "enlightened" thinking has bound you. You are a slave to the shifting trends and fashions of thought that go by the wayside when a new philosophy presents itself. History is full of examples. The sexual revolution and the rise of contraception, which was supposed to free women, has resulted in a 50% divorce rate, higher rates of domestic violence, and the abortion of 1/4 children who are conceived. Is that freedom? The enlightenment of the 18th century was supposed to result in peace and equality for all, but it resulted in the French Revolution and the widespread use of the guillotine. The spread of communism was supposed to put everyone on equal footing and ensure the happiness of all citizens. In the Soviet Union alone, it resulted in the death of millions of innocent people.

The morals that the Church puts forward are concrete and are proven. They are not a list of legalistic rules that need to be followed for their own sake. They are invitations to freedom! Think of it like this. Your life is a high plateau with a sheer 200 ft drop on all sides. The doctrines of the Church are the fence that keep you safe and free. You can do anything you want within the fence. You're also free t jump the fence, but this comes with the unfortunate consequence of a 200 ft fall to your death. You are not limited by the fence. It doesn't ruin your happiness. On the contrary, this absolute and concrete set of posts and pickets keeps you alive and allows you to experience life to its fullest.

Cartoons teach us so much!

Every "thou shalt not" comes with a "thou shall". Every "you cannot" comes with a "you can". The Church, in her infinite and proven wisdom is inviting all of us to truly live life to the full. We cannot do that with a relative idea of what is right and wrong. If nothing is wrong, then nothing is right. The rules come not from hate but from a loving understanding of who we are as human beings. Nobody faults a parent for the rules that they lay out for their children. They simply know their children and what they need. The Church is the same way. Let go of your pride! Accept that you don't know everything and allow yourself to learn! Stop trying to make the world in your own image. It is only when we let go that we can truly begin to make sense of things. So yes, morality is concrete, objective, and real. Suck it up and enjoy your life for once!

Joseph, model of manliness, pray for us
God, Father in heaven, bless us.

Death to Ugg Boots: Fashion and Laziness

I mean, I WAS awesome

When I was little, one of my favorite things to do was to play what we called "Be People" games. Whether it would be X-men, Power Rangers, professional wrestlers, or acting like characters from a favorite movie or TV show, my little friends and I would do everything we could to "be" the person we were representing. Sometimes we just made things up. We created heroes and personas in our prepubescent brains that excited us and made us feel like the superheroes we wanted to be. Freaking cool right?

This endeavor was only made more epic when we found some sheets in the basement or stick in the woods that we could use as a sort of prop to make the whole thing more real. Our character had a look. We could dress like them. We could act like them. For all intents and purposes, we could be them.

I've never lost that idea, that I could be the person that I have made in my mind. He's not some warrior or superhero, but he is a good man. Everything I do is, in a way, an effort try to bring that character to life; to become this man of virtue. So, I act in a certain way. I dress in a certain way. I take on the values that this man in my mind has that I want. I try to be him in my interactions with others, because they deserve him. I try and try and, slowly but surely, and by the grace of the Father, I am becoming him.

So, when I see the girl on campus or in one of my classes who consistently shows up in a hoodie and yoga pants, or the guy who wears his basketball shorts around as a sort of all-purpose wear, I have to wonder, who are they trying to be? Maybe their characters are constantly on their way to the gym. Maybe it's always laundry day. Maybe Ionly catch them on a day off. Who can really know?

What I do know is this: as a man, when I see an otherwise lovely girl in class dressed as if she doesn't care, all I can think is that she's lazy or that she doesn't doesn't really have a lot of self respect. The same goes for guys in shorts and a dirty sweatshirt. I don't care what team you support or what stain you think is unnoticeable. Put some pants on!

I've thought a lot about this, and the slow decline into slovenliness when it comes to the way we dress is kind of shocking. We're more concerned with comfort than with what our appearances say about who we are. More worried about time then we are about where we're going. I don't mean to say that we should be overly concerned with our appearances or what other people think. That's called pride. But for goodness sake, respect yourself enough to show that you care!

Now, I know that I'm just another man. I don't know the ins and outs of fashion, I don't have an extensive wardrobe, and I'm not proud to say that I have indeed picked up a shirt, sniffed it, and decided that it was good for one more wear. However, I can tell you that I try to look like I care when I dress myself. I try to present myself in a way that speaks positively about me. And, thankfully for everyone else, I threw that shirt in the laundry where it belonged.

So, for both men and women, I've figured out some general rules that will help you out. This is not a dos and donts of fashion. Consider this more of a "Don't Look Like a Bum Seminar". I will try to be as much of an equal opportunity offender as possible, but if I seem more heavy handed for the women, it's only because you're more perfect than us men, and greater power comes with greater responsibility.

So without further ado, here are Perry's General Rules For Not Looking Homeless.

The Outer Reflects the Inner: 
Let's face it, there's a reason we care about what others think. We're afraid of being judged for things that we find shameful and proud to be considered honorable or admirable in some way. This is because we know innately that the day to day behaviors and appearances that we put forward are seen and evaluated, and it reflects back on us as a person. This is because, no matter how hard we try, the things we do and say reflect something about our inmost self. It is no different for the way we dress.

A woman who honestly cares about being looked on in a creepy or lustful way dresses as to prevent it. Someone who really doesn't care at all about how they are seen will dress as such. Someone who really values the people or the places that they are encountering will take time to show this respectin how they dress (more on this aspect later).

So, when deciding between comfort and effort, stop choosing the easy way out every time. Ladies, instead of yoga pants, or those God-forsaken leggings which ARE NOT PANTS, throw on a pair of jeans. Instead of sandals, gentlemen, tie your freakin' shoes. Wear a button up, or at least a clean hoodie, instead of the same t-shirt. When you actually put a moment of effort into how you looks it shows people that you care about yourself. It shows people that you're confident. It shows people that you are actually trying to be a functioning member of society. Step it up and start caring.

Modest is Hottest (Really!):
Spring sucks at George Mason, and here's why: it's like there's a shortage of cloth all of a sudden. Necklines get lower and shorts and skirts get higher. It's like we're doing all we can to cover the central 2 feet of our bodies to the detriment of our tops and bottoms. This goes for guys too. Sun's out, guns out? Really? You're that proud of your freckly farmers tan and scraggly pit-hair? No thank you.

Like I said above, how we dress is a reflection on who we are. If you dress immodestly or over-sexually, you are going to be objectified. Period. It's not just the fault of the person who is looking. It's not the responsibility of other people to avert their eyes. It's on you. There is a level of responsibility on other people's part to look away when they see you dressed inappropriately, but it's your responsibility not to make it difficult.  Don't dress to accentuate parts of your body that you don't want people to stare at.

Gross...

Protect yourself and respect yourself! you are not just some piece of meat to be ogled or some canvas on which to paint as little clothing as possible. Men, you're not the center of the world or a statue to be admired. You're also not the greatest thing in the world, so stop thinking you are. If you cover up, it actually tells people that you think you have layers worth penetrating and secrets worth keeping. If you don't dress like you think you should be carved in marble, people might actually think you have something concrete to offer. It's an attractive thing if you can pull back. It's beautiful thing if you show that you care about how people see you. It's a holy thing to love others by loving and respecting yourself in the right way.

Context:
The way you dress also shows us what you honestly think about the people you encounter and the places you go. If you dress like a bum in class, you show that you don't think anyone else there really deserves the respect shown by putting real clothes on. If you wear jeans to Sunday mass, you show that you don't believe your God is worth dressing up for.

This goes for all public outings. It doesn't matter if it's dinner, the movies, or coffee with friends. Your appearance shows others what you think of others. It's why lawyers wear suits to work and why priests wear clerics. It's why your professors dress up and why we put effort into who we look on dates. We want to show that we give a hoot. We want to show that we take the other people or the the situation seriously. It's our responsibility to show respect in every aspect of life, including appearance. It doesn't take a lot, maybe just a shave or  some jeans without holes.

A Special Note to Women:
Ladies, I wanted to take a second to highlight you. This is mainly a blog about manhood, but if you're reading this, I thank you and ask you to please take some advice from a kindhearted man who cares about you.  You are more perfect than us. God created you last, and gave you abilities and strengths than no man could ever dream of. He told us to serve you and to protect you, and even though we fail, many of us make an honest effort everyday to show you what you're worth. Take the following as a an attempt at protection and encouragement.

Modest. Beautiful. Attractive.

It is an attractive thing to see a woman who puts effort into how she looks. When you carry yourself with poise, grace, confidence, and modesty, it makes us want to be around you. Not simply for the chance to take you on a date, but for the opportunity to know you as person and to be enlightened by your company. On the other hand, it turns us away to see a woman without respect for herself. It certainly doesn't make us respect her any more. When we see you wear Ugg boots or leggings to class instead of real shoes or pants, it brings to mind laziness. Its not that they are immodest or even ugly, it's just that you're gorgeous and could do so much better for yourself.

I understand comfort. Some situations do not demand as much effort. All I'm saying is that we do not simply want to spend time with well dressed and confident women as eye-candy. It really does reveal to us a level of respect you have for yourself that is in itself, attractive. The only shame in seeing you dress lazily is that you so are so beautiful and don't seem to know it; so lovely but unwilling to show it.

In Conclusion...
Remember that these are just general rules from a guy who only has his day to day experience as research. There are extenuating circumstances and these rules don't always apply to every situation. Also remember that we as men are just a bad as dressing lazy, if not worse. I am not innocent either.

Simply remember that it's all about how you see yourself and how you express that to others. respect yourself. Love Yourself. Respect others, and love them too by showing them in all aspects of your life, including dress.

St Joseph, model of manhood, pray for us
God, Father in Heaven, bless us

How to Discern: A Few Pointers From A Friend

Within Catholic communities, especially young adult groups, the term discernment gets tossed around a lot. "I'm discerning my vocation", "I'm discerning what job to take", "I'm discerning whether or not I should date that girl". It's our way of telling people that we're really taking our time and putting our prayer and reason into making a decision. We're not just thinking, we're discerning. Often times it brings to mind images of solemn people on their knees in a pew with their heads bowed in prayer waiting to hear the next step. To me it also brings to mind the image of stressing over a decision, one that is life or death. "I'm discerning this, so I better not get it wrong!"

Nowhere, in my experience, is this more true than in the realm of vocational discernment. And why not? If God really has one vocation for me, I want to know where I'm going! And how do I figure that out? I had better think long and hard about it. I really feel like I should get married, or is that just what I want? What does God want? Should I be a priest? I don't really feel like it, but maybe I'm not open enough? How do I get more open? What does open even mean? I want one thing so that must mean that God wants the opposite! That guy on retreat told me that God laughs at our plans, why is he laughing! I don't know what to do! I can't get this wrong! I only have one shot! If I get it wrong my life is ruined!!! AH!! ... Oh hey that girl is pretty, I feel called to date her now.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the mind of many a young Catholic man. We want to know what God wants, but we don't know how to get there. So, instead of really discerning, we just stress ourselves into oblivion. Don't get me wrong. We need to take our time to discern and pray about what God is truly calling us to, and this may take the form of frantic prayer at times, but if we are truly discerning, the Lord is going to guide us. We should be able to find peace and joy in the discernment process. If you 're angry or in turmoil about it, you're probably doing it wrong.

So here are a few pointers from a guy who is also trying to figure his life out. Hopefully they help you along your path of discernment.

- Know What You're Really Ready For- I work for a great priest. He'll remain nameless here, suffice to say that he has helped me on many occasion simply by speaking a few words. Once, when I was 18, I was stressing about what my vocation was supposed to be, and I just had to know. It was like God had a secret that I wasn't in on, and I wanted the scoop. So I asked Father what I should do and how I could know what I was called to. He looked at me for a second before asking, "Do you think you're ready to be married tomorrow?", to which I responded, "Oh gosh, no! I'm only 18!". He laughed and told me, "If you're not ready to commit to a vocation at this moment, you probably don't need to know". And he was right. Guys, don't discern something unless you're really ready to know the answer and ACT on it. The Lord reveal things when we are truly ready, and that includes when we are actually ready to pursue the calling. Often times we just want to know our future vocation for no other reason than to glimpse our future. This is pride gentlemen. Live in the moment, not in the future. If you are not ready in the moment, then you have other things you could be working on.

- One Thing at a Time- All too often, I hear my friends who are in relationships talk about whether or not they are called to be a priest. These are holy guys who just want to follow the Lords plan for their life, but their focus is more on the ends than their current situation. As a result, they end up discerning the wrong thing. If you are in a relationship, it is unfair to your significant other to be discerning another vocation. To discern means putting your energy and focus into one thing to determine whether or not you are called to continue or to abandon that particular endeavor. If you are dating someone, it means that you are discerning whether or not that person is supposed to be your spouse. To have your mind on priesthood while dating her would be unfair. It would be the same as a seminarian who is studying for the priesthood to take a girl out on a date. It simply doesn't work. He would be discerning two vocations at once, which would be unfair to both. He would need to fully apply himself to one in order to see if he was called to it or not. Then he could know whether or not to consider the other. If you are dating someone, consider yourself in the "seminary of her". Put your effort into praying about her, with her, and for her. Get to know her. Find out who she is, what she believes, and why she believes it. What does she hope for? Where is God taking her? Approach your relationship the same way seminarians approach their studies: with awe, humility, and openness. That way, even if you come to the realization that she is not the one, you gave her a fair chance and made an informed decision. Any other way is simply half-hearted commitment.

- Don't Go At It Alone- Often times we think that our discernment is just between us and God. That is simply untrue. In order to fully discern something, you need to talk to other people. Talk to a priest about seminary. Talk to married people about dating. Talk to a monk or sister about novitiate. Notice that I said married people, and not dating or single, and that I said priest, not seminarian. Talk to someone who has sealed the deal! They are the ones who have fully discerned and taken the leap or faith. They have made public vows saying that that have discerned the decision through, and they are living with the results. They know more than your friends! Also, find a spiritual director. A priest, deacon, or religious person who knows you and can offer an honest assessment of how you are doing, and what you should be doing. Let them guide you. Listen to what they have to say. They know more than you! If you allow yourself to be guided by trusted leaders, you will not go astray.

- Pray, Pray, Pray- Let me ask you... how many of the things that you "discern" do you really take to prayer? I'm not talking quick mentions here and there. I mean real prayer. Do you ask questions? Do you allow them to be answered? Do you just talk and talk? Do you even want to know the answers? Every step along the way of discernment should be rooted in prayer. Pray about whether to discern something in the first place. Pray about the next step. Pray about continuing. Pray about concerns. Pray about things that you're excited about. If you are truly called to something, you will notice two things. First, the things that you are called to will stay constant. If you are really meant to do something, the Lord will keep putting the same thing on your heart for a long time. Don't be afraid to take your time. Discernment always yields results just as you need an answer and never sooner. Just take a breath and stop thinking that your vocational discernment is an episode of 24. Secondly, if you are really called to something, you will be at peace about it. It may scare the poo out of you, but it will be peaceful. You will know if it is the right thing. Trust me. Bring prayer into every aspect of discernment, and you will not go wrong. I can promise you that.

I hope this helped to shed some light on some worries you're been having. If you have any questions  feel free to comment below. Otherwise, just remember that our God does not keep secrets. He simply takes his time to reveal his plans. That time may seem like an eternity to us, but we will find out the answers we need when we are ready to hear them. As it says in Jeremiah 29:11 " I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for your woe, so as to give you a future full of hope."

Joseph, model of manhood, pray for us
God, Father in heaven, bless us